My Love for Aunty BB and Beauty

Last month I lost my auntie BB. I didn’t take it very well. No disrespect to my mom but she provided a whole lot for me when mom couldn’t. She was there when I was having a hard time finishing college and she and her daughter were there when I didn’t have anyone else to turn to in loaning money for mom’s hospital bills when she had a stroke back in 2015. Man that sentence was a mouthful. I broke down at the airport when I learned of the bad news. Still in denial that she’s now with our creator.

Auntie BB knew how much I loved makeup. I remember those days when I barely could afford to buy lunch during college. A P150 ($3) eyeliner was a huge deal for me. I’m looking over at my makeup collection now and I don’t even want to calculate dollar for dollar how much all of this cost me (it’s ridiculous, I’m not proud of it either).  I remember her coming home from Malaysia almost a decade ago and brought me a bagful of makeup. They were drugstore, but even American drugstore brands are overpriced at the Philippines. It was a lot. I couldn’t sleep for few nights since I got them because I was busy playing with my new eyeshadows and lipsticks.

Men and women who are not into cosmetics may roll their eyes over how we go crazy when a new palette drops or when our hearts skip a beat when we pass by Sephora. It’s a feel-good remedy to a bad day when we put bright lipstick on, a sense of relief especially when your winged liner turned out perfect or when you’ve done a full face in under 20 minutes (lies) because you have to catch the CTA just so you’d be on time for that dreaded job interview. For me, a close family member is a part of why I love makeup.      

Moving Forward

Who am I? What has become of what I once was? This question haunts me every time I struggle to fall asleep. Sometimes I also question myself who I was in the first place. I lied- maybe I never knew who I was. At the same time I always believed that a singular person is more than just one idea and experience. 

I may have not expressed this to those who are close to me but I narrate my everyday occurrences in my head. I have trouble concentrating in processing a single thought that I just slip away into the abyss of nothingness. This is when I realized that I, Jessy, have succumbed into depression. I keep telling myself that I’m not, my ex-fiance’ would insist that I’m not and those who knew of my struggles would brush it off because I am the strong person in their eyes and that I am lucky. I’ve read somewhere that depression has no face- I show up to work on time, I manage to put myself together and face a grueling day of work head-on. It can be the disarray present at your living room or your attention to detail in putting on your false eyelash. 

Sometimes I feel that I am not here, I am just a silhouette. That is why I would like to say sorry from the depths of my soul. I’m sorry that I am not as strong as I was and I’m sorry for slipping further away. Like any struggling-slash-wannabe writer, I also recognize that one day I will cringe over this entry, laugh at how foolish I was and look back on what I have not known at this very moment. No, this is not a suicide note. This is the first step to healing and building myself from the ground up once again. I was born 26 years ago but today I am in the process of slipping outside utero and one day, I shall fully live, get to know who and what I truly am and breathe.

My Current Skincare Routine

Hello! Friends have been asking as to what I use on my skin and I’ve shared this on my Instagram a couple of weeks ago. To be honest, I wasn’t into skincare but due to weather conditions here in Chicago, I just had to step up. Most of the stuff I’m using are from Walgreens and Walmart (because everything is cheaper there) but I’ve been exploring Kheil’s and Mario Badescu as well. I’ve also been trying out The Ordinary and would love to try more stuff in the future! I know this might go off track but I just don’t care for the brand’s foundations. But I’ll reserve that for another post.

For the morning, I use:

1. The Transparent Facial Bar from Neutrogena (frankly, its the bar version of the liquid version and can save you a ton of money since I would go through a whole bottle monthly. Cut a bar into 6 pieces because they melt easily)

2. St. Ives Even and Bright Scrub (helps fade acne spots)

3. Dickinson’s Witch Hazel (I’ve used this for years, perfect for oily skin and helps prevents breakouts)

4. St. Ives Timeless Skin Collagen Elastin Moisturizer (My 3rd or 4th jar)

5. Mario Badescu Facial Spray (The rose one is better, I’ve finished 4-5 bottles and I purchased another full-sized bottle. Good before makeup or during a hot or extremely cold day)

6. Neutrogena Clear Face Sunscreen SPF 55 (Frankly, if you don’t use alot of shit just make sure you wear SPF everyday)

After a day of wearing makeup I wipe it all off with the Neutrogena Makeup Remover Cleansing Towelettes. Then I use

1. Kiehl’e Rare Earth Deep Pore Daily Cleanser (isn’t harsh on your skin if you want something that helps your blackheads)

2. Mario Badescu Whitening Mask (good for fading acne scars and brightening your skin, use twice a week!)

3. Freeman Anti Stress Clay Mask (jima jima lang pero helps clear up my skin, you can use it up to 4 times a week depending on your sensitivity to clay products)

4. Mario Badescu Glycolic Acid Toner (Use twice a week! Helped with my scars. I initially didn’t like it because it made me breakout. Little did I know I was irritating my skin because glycolic acid is an exfoliant. When used less frequent I learned to appreciate it.) 
5. The Ordinary Hyraluronic Acid 2% + B5 (helps hydrate my skin, use at night because it interferes with makeup application)

6. The Ordinary Caffein Solution 5% + EGCG (tightens my undereye area, but I would wear this at night because again, it interferes with my makeup)

7. Neutrogena Deep Moisture Night Cream (I feel beautiful the morning after. Maka fresh.) 

I failed to mention this on Instagram but I just love lipbalms. I sometimes bring all three of these just because.
1. Aquaphor Healing Ointment. Technically not a lip balm but Bianca Del Rio hoards this stuff and I know why. It heals and nourishes. Perfect before you fall asleep.
2. Kheil’s Lip Balm in Cranberry. I love the scent but I think it’s too strong sometimes. But it really helps wake me up in the morning and nourishes my lips as well.
3. Jack Black Intense Therapy Lip Balm in SPF 25. Just love the protection without that dreadful whitecast!

If you have recommendations especially on products that help clear scars and brighten skin I’d love to hear from you! 

If You Don't Own a Can of Dry Shampoo, You Should.

I haven't posted in awhile so I'll give you a quick update. I'm now based in Chicago and the weather is (for the lack of a better word) fickle. I arrived here last November when the winter was about to start. Now that I've been here for almost a year, my hair and skin have been in a roller coaster ride between high and negative temperatures. After a harsh summer, Fall is finally here! Say hello to drier skin, sweaters, cranberry tones and mornings where its hard to roll out of bed. Speaking of rolling out of bed especially in the colder months, don't you just hate it when you have to rush especially when you're braving the cold? Here's a secret to getting through mornings quicker- dry shampoo. The one I currently use is from Rock Your Hair.

I get it- like facial sprays, dry shampoo is one of those things that you thought you'd never need but glad you had to try because its a life saver regardless of climate. Do you fear that you're washing your hair too much? Is your scalp too oily? Need a volume boost? Dry shampoo is usually an instant pick-me-up product. A personal recommendation if you're from the tropics is the Batiste Dry Shampoo Original.

If you're on the market for the perfect dry shampoo, check out dry shampoo recommendations from Reviews.com! From there you can find recommendations that suit your needs and budget. Like most beauty and hair products, I'd say try a cheaper price point first before venturing into higher-end brands. A word of caution though- dry shampoos are in no means a replacement from hair cleansing- you eventually have to wash your hair to eliminate product build-up and maintain a healthy mane and scalp!

I'll keep in touch with more makeup and beauty tips soon! If you're into dry shampoo, what are your personal favorites?

5-minute Read: My "My Lips But Better" Shades

Every girl needs a "my lips but better" lipstick in her kit! Trends come and go but we all need a lippy we should gravitate to for everyday wear. We want something that will make us look put-together even if we're too lazy to do a full-on face. So here's the drugstore and luxury picks for my lips!